Thursday, July 9, 2015

#Teachers Write Day 4

Today's Quick Write challenge is from author Tracey Baptiste. She is the author of The Jumbies. The challenge is focusing on voice. I received some really good feedback yesterday in regards to my character Ol' Man Joe.
So on to Exercise 1:
Ol' Man Joe stumbled down the long hallway through a heavy wooden door. He is wearing the same outfit he wears every day. A pair of crumpled khakis, that pillow around his ankles and his favorite well worn Cleveland Browns t shirt. As he walks into the room, he tucks the daily newspaper under his arm and carries his cup of Java in the other hand. He walks toward the sofa looking around to see if he recognizes anyone here. Seems lately no one comes down here any more. Just as well. He can read his paper without interruption. The ticking of the nearby clock tells him that he has only been sitting for a couple of minutes when he realizes that the room is filling up with people. He recognizes them and calls them by name. This secret society of men have been gathering every week for the last 40 years. They went to college together, all entered the Armed Forces, got married and raised kids and grandkids together.
And the mutterings begin. "How's the family?" "The kids?" Ol' Man Joe speaks up. "I love when I hear from one of my boys. Even if it is just to say hi. It doesn't happen often enough but I love hearing how they are doing. They seem to be so busy these days."

Ol Man Joe wishes he could share what is really on his heart. But that may mean that his friends would disown him. His children may really leave him. This heavy burden is almost too much to bear!


  1. Oh! I want to know what Joe is hiding!

  2. I agree with becomingcliche, I want to know what Joe is hiding.

    I wonder how your piece would flow if you revised sentences like "He is wearing.... " to something like "Wearing the same outfit ... he walked into the room." I think there is a term for this but I don't recall at this moment.